A Lucky Break at the DVD Rental
Normally (at least as normally as I get), I am loathe to follow the misdirections of critics but I was in the store, bored and looking for a night off the bottle as I vaguely recalled a recommendation from the newspaper and went in search of same. I found the acclaimed film (A Kurosawa Epic) but some other fan had beaten me to the punch so, undeterred but desperately hung-over, I picked the next box in the rack and my brilliant gambit was definately rewarded. The title was “Onibaba”. Three minutes into the flick there was a savage double murder and an even harsher disposal of the corpses. Then the gals stopped to eat. Yea, that’s right, I said Gals! And Murder!　And Eats!
The film takes place in feudal Japan where the shit has most definitely hit the fan; wars are raging, resources are scarce and conditions are mean all around. The girls (2- one old and mean, one young and juicy) live on an isolated farm in the middle of nowhere and are in such dire straits that they have to pick off stray samurai who are wounded or lost just to survive. They savagely kill, strip the bodies and sell the bloody booty for food. This is the first five minutes I’m talking about here. Then it gets better.　A neighbor (Man- lazy, horny, semi-stupid/semi-sharp and strongly reminding me of myself) returns from the wars beaten, alone, hungry and desperate. He promptly makes a strong play for the feisty young filly and is almost as promptly rewarded. Turns out she’s been missing her husband for far too long and is as eager for some good lovin’ as he is for some hot action. The old broad is left in the draft, alone, ignored, unwanted but still as horny and hungry as hell. This sets up the wicked triangle of deceit, double crosses and pure sex that will fill the remainder of the story.
Supposedly based on a Japanese folk tale, I can’t imagine a tale more carnal, natural or less folksy. I’m not selling anything here but if you watch this flick with that special lady I guarantee you’ll get your pole waxed after the credits roll, perhaps even before. It’s THAT smoking hot! Jam-packed with vicious murder, gratuitous nudity, sweaty sex and all too human desire this is a film that will captivate anyone with a heartbeat. All I’m saying is this- If you got 2 hours to kill and some female company to kill it with, RENT THIS FILM. Do not watch it alone unless you’re into self abuse because that young girl is hotter than the summer sun and swinging her juicy tits through half the flick. She’s sexy in that pure, hot, hungry way just as so many women can be but aren’t. The guy is cool and knows what he wants, then he goes out and gets it- do you need anything more in an antihero? The old broad plays a gripping, savvy, cruel and altogether realistic antagonist. The tale is simple, compelling yet surprising until the end and the twists and turns are consistently shocking but so humanly sensible that you feel them all in your chest (or crotch). Powerful music, sensuous visuals, haunting images and a juggernaut narrative should keep your pulse jumping to the finish. After that it’s up to you as to how you put the wood to the girlfriend but, never fear my friend, I think she’s gonna to be ready to GO. If she’s not, put her in the wind ‘cuz the broad ain’t right. You’re welcome in advance.

Special note- The DVD is a re-release and part of the Criterion Collection and if you have time check out the extras and the interview with director Kaneto Shindo. He’s currently in his 90’s and still as sharp as a razor. An altogether fascinating Man/Artist and well worth the minutes.